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What did the yogi tell the door-to-door salesperson who came to his home selling vacuum
cleaners?
"Too many attachments! "
What is god?
A little boy was learning about
God in his church, and he was talking to his mother about it. She, not wanting to place prejudice in the little boy's mind,
sat him and said: "God is not a man or a woman, and God is not black or white." To which the child responded, "Well, then
is God Michael Jackson?"
The Lord Provides
Old Mrs. Watkins awoke one spring morning to find that the river had flooded the entire
first floor of her house. Looking out of her window, she saw that the water was still rising.
Two men passing by on
a rowboat shouted up an invitation to row to safety with them. "No, thank you," Mrs. Watkins replied. "The Lord will provide."
The men shrugged and rowed on.
By evening, the water level forced Mrs. Watkins to climb on top of the roof for safety.
She was spotted by a man in a motorboat, who offered to pick her up. "Don't trouble yourself," she told him. "The Lord will
provide."
Pretty soon, Mrs. Watkins had to seek refuge atop the chimney. When a Red Cross cutter came by on patrol,
she waved it on, shouting, "The Lord will provide."
So the boat left, the water rose and the old woman drowned.
Dripping
wet and thoroughly annoyed, she came through the pearly gates and demanded to speak to God. "What happened?" she cried.
"For
cryin' out loud, lady," God said, "I sent three boats!"
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It is a tradition in the US for people to make statements through stickers they stick
on their car bumpers. Here are a few funny bumper stickers:-
"Procrastinate now"
"My Karma ran over my Dogma!!"
"Never
drive faster than your angel can fly!!"
"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."
"As
long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools"
"Vegetarians visualize or meditate on whirled
peas"
God is missing
The harbormaster was having troubles with his two young boys,
so he decided to send them to Rev. Hawkins for some help.
The next morning Billy, aged 8, was sent. Upon arriving,
the Rev. sat him down and sternly asked, "Where is God ?"
Billy sat there speechless, so the Rev asked louder, "Where
is God ?"
Again no answer came from Billy, so the Rev. shook his finger in Billy's
face and screamed, "WHERE IS
GOD ?"
Billy screamed and bolted from the room, ran right home and dove into his closet, shutting the door behind him.
His
older brother Joe watched this, slowly opened the door and asked,
"What happened to you ?"
Billy yelled, "We're
in big trouble this time, dude. God is missing and
they think WE did it. "
Why Keep Quiet
A Sunday school teacher
asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One
bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping!"
Made by God
Grandpa and his grandson were sitting
reading when she asked,
"Did God make you, Grandpa?"
"Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered.
A
few minutes later, the little boy asked him, "Did God make me too?"
"Yes, He did," the older man answered.
For
a few minutes, the little boy seemed to be studying his grandpa, as well as his own reflection in the mirror, while his grandfather
wondered what was running through his mind. At last he spoke up.
"You know, Grandpa," he said, "God's doing a lot better
job lately."
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